Thursday, November 07, 2013

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Mean Girls (2004)

Shane: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?
Regina: I'm starving. 
Shane: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us 
eat those when we want to move up a weight class. 
Regina: What? 
Shane: They make you gain weight like crazy. 
Regina: Motherf - Aaaaaaaah!!!
I bring up this random ass moment from Mean Girls 
for a reason. Something must be done. Immediately!

Now comes word that Chris Hemsworth is starving himself for his next role, as a shipwrecked sailor in Ron Howard's Heart of the Sea. He's eating just six hundred calories a day - some salad and some protein. This comes only a couple weeks after we saw Jake Gyllenhaal looking like that skinned rabbit that Catherine Deneuve lets rot in her apartment in Repulsion for his next movie.

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And of course Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale have already kind of destroyed themselves with this sort of thing - they both aged several years and permanently whittled away at their attractiveness. Look at that picture up top - Chris has only just recently started this starving thing and he already looks older. So what I'm saying is it is our civic duty to switch their protein shakes and protein bars and whatever else we can get our hands on with kalteen bars or liquified ding dongs or something. It's up to us! This horror must end!
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