5 Off My Head - Porpoise Spit Peoples

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There's a good chance I have watched the movie Muriel's Wedding more times than every other movie I have seen combined. Alright okay that's a ridiculous statement, but it's true in spirit. I watch it at least a couple of times a year, whenever the mood strikes, like whenever I can't figure out what else to watch I'll just say, "Muriel it is then!" None if this should come to a surprise to any of you who've read this site for any length of time - the only other movie that I come close to referencing as much would probably be Welcome to the Dollhouse, and those two films are intertwined in my mind anyway - I've always thought of Muriel Heslop's story as a sort of continuation of Dawn Weiner's. What Dawn's Twenties could've been like... at least until Todd Solondz went and told me in Palindromes that Dawn killed herself, of course. 

Anyway, that's a roundabout way of saying I rewatched the movie for the fifty billionth time last night (which you already know if you follow me on Instagram or Twitter) and so I feel like talking about the movie. Specifically, some of the side characters. Muriel is not a woman unto herself - PJ Hogan surrounded her with an indelible lot of astonishing creations. Here's a random five.

Dionne, Senior Store Detective (played by Geneviève Picot) - I joked to someone the other week about a sequel to this film being called Muriel's Wedding 2: Mariel's Revenge, and I can't help but think that if a Kill Bill style revenge flick were made that Dionne would be at the top of our girl's list. Not only does she get Muriel arrested in the opening scene of the movie, but she's basically responsible for sending Muriel's mother Betty off the deep end and straight to her suicide when she gets Betty arrested for putting on that comfortable pair of shoes, finding one little bit of momentary relief in her miserable life. How many lives ruined is enough, Dionne? How many???

Tania Degano, Bride (played by Sophie Lee) - She gets some of the film's funniest lines and Sophie Lee knocks them all out of the park.

"Well I sucked her husband's cock and it made me realize, 

we all make mistakes."

"They've accused him of raping a Japanese tourist, 

which is ridiculous - Chook hates the Japanese!"

But as horrible slash hysterical as she is, I think the most interesting moment involving her is the above, when Muriel I mean Mariel arrives at her wedding and Tania looks at her in awe, calling her beautiful. It's pure wish fulfillment - the moment all the bullied dream of, when their oppressor looks at them and sees them, finally. When we become, as Muriel puts it, "as good as them." Of course the beautiful thing about Muriel's Wedding is this moment comes at the mid-point because as the movie takes pains to illustrate that's an empty, harmful sentiment - what's important is self-worth, not a projection of some other fucked-up person's desires.

Brice Nobes, Parking Inspector (played by Matt Day) - I decided I was writing this entire post last night thanks to Brice, and his dancing, and how I needed to make a gif of it. Poor Brice! I was always confounded by why he goes to Mariel's wedding to Olympian hopeful David Van Arkle...

... (I am contractually obligated to post a picture of Daniel Lapaine in his speedo whenever that character comes up) but I think that he maybe intended to pull a whole The Graduate style intervention.

But the poor dear doesn't have the balls to do it! So he just sits there, forever holding his peace. Oh Brice. I hope that Muriel looks him up when they go back to Sydney at the end of the movie. Ahh fuck it who am I kidding, I hope she looks up David again.

They just end on such a sweet note! It wouldn't be lying anymore, now that she's cleared the air. There's no need to annul that wedding, dammit! Get on that, Muriel!

Perry Heslop, Unemployed (played by Dan Wyllie) - One of my favorite toss-off lines of dialogue is when Muriel's father Bill is screaming that Perry (Muriel's brother) should get a job, and mother Betty says that Perry tried to join the police force but they wouldn't let him take the test because "he is too tall." It underlines how easily manipulated Betty is, and how she'll believe and repeat anything that anybody tells her. The harshest moment in the movie (in a "comedy" filled with super harsh moments!) is right before Betty kills herself and she and Perry fight - it's horrible, but it rings painfully, painfully true, for those moments we all have when we said or did something way over the line to someone we love,  and... um, wait a second... is that... over there...? Why, I think it is!

Deidre Chambers! What a coincidence!

Deidre Chambers, Beauty Consultant (played by Gennie Nevinson) - Sorry I had to lighten the mood up a bit, I was getting down with all that talk, let's end this on an upbeat note with someone who advises women on the right lipstick, base and eyeliner... unless they're Geishas. I can't even hear the word "concidence" any more without thinking of Deidre Chambers, the eternal coincidence. I don't care what any of those nasty women down at the post office say - Deidre's the one! Even Betty knows!