Friday, March 29, 2013

TGT12: The Great Gratuities #5-1

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This is it! See the runners-up here, #20-16 here, #15-11 here, and #10-6 here. And here they are, our top five gratuitous mensfolk of the year that was 2012. Give them all a hand, and/or a hand-job, whichever, s'up to you and your fate.

Garrett Hedlund in On the Road - Raise your hand if you expected Garrett Hedlund to show his dick off in On the Road. I don't expect a lot of hands there, but then I'm a pessimist and a non-believer in such surprise delights until they literally - literally - slap me upside the face. (Yes that is an invitation, Garrett.)  (Also, this movie is apparently only really coming out this weekend? Who knew?) Thankfully Garrett likes to surprise though. Add on the fact that from top to bottom he's just putting out such wanton sex vibes in this thing that the screen just melts. I could watch him and Tom Sturridge spout sexy nonsense at each other all the live long day I could. (I hope their kiss, seen below, ends up on the DVD extras since I think it's edited out of the film.) Kirsten Dunst is basically living my dream - Jake and Garrett all in one lifetime? Kiki wins.

Aaron Johnson in Savages and Anna Karenina - Aaron made the runners-up last year for taking off his shirt in Albert Nobbs, and he made #11 the year before for getting down to his skivvies in Kick-Ass - it was inevitable he'd break the top five once he went further. Inevitability aside, I had no idea what we were actually in for with him once he went further - I think I blacked out during his sex scene in Savages after they showed that ass of his, and everything ever after is a blur. A warm, happy blur. Joe Wright knew well enough to frame it like a piece of art in Anna Karenina too... well not "like" a piece of art. It is a piece of art. Can we get Aaron Johnson's ass in MoMA over next to Tilda? Pretty please? (more here and here)

Matthias Schoenaerts in Rust and Bone and Bullhead - Matty's rise reminds me a lof of Tom Hardy's, in that he made a movie (Bullhead to Tom's Bronson) wherein his newly hulking physicality was central to the point, and so the movie spent the whole time kind of just standing back in awe of these totems of masculinity, which they then disassembled in their various ways. Rust and Bone uses him similarly as this icon of simultaneous extreme strength and vulnerability, but to different effect. Anyway he was naked lots and it totally ruled. (more here and here and here and here and here)


Matthew Bomer in Magic Mike - When the first unrated trailer for Magic Mike came out I titled that post "That Is Matthew Bomer's Ass" because I just couldn't believe my eyes. I was in shock. I mean I knew he was in the movie, I was hopeful of course, but my expectations... they were exceeded, y'all. Matty's second place mostly by virtue of gratitutde, in that I'm so grateful to our #1 for giving me our #2 that our #1 deserves all of the prizes ever. But Matt's got my heart, slash, you know, my absolutely everything. Damn you, Simon Halls! (See more here and here and here and here

Channing Tatum in Magic Mike and The Vow - The man who made about half of this list possible! My heart belongs to Matthew Bomer really, but how could I deny Channing the prize? He gave me Bomer, and he gave me Pettyfer, and he gave me Manganiello, and McConaughey, and Rodriguez - he gave me all of them and then he went and topped it all off with the cherry that is his own hot ass more times than I can count.

And he made himself an A-lister while he was at it, and it couldn't happen to a finer fella. I actually agree with People magazine for once. This is the sort of example we need to hold high! This is humanity at its best! Hooray for Channing Tatum! Bonus points for his short shorts in 21 Jump Street and his nearly non-stop nakedness when he hosted SNL. (See more Channing here and here and here and here and here and here and here - do you see what I mean??? Give him all the money.)

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12 comments:

James T said...

I would have liked a menion of Édgar Ramírez in Wrath of the Titans even if the part wasn't too obviously sexy.

James T said...

ugh, mention*

Jason Adams said...

Does he take off his clothes in that movie? I have zero recollection of that part. I wracked my brain to remember if he or Sam Worthington did in it but came up with nothing. I love Edgar though!

Anonymous said...

Apparently they cut a good amount of sex and nudity out of On the Road for the US release. Sucks. Definitely hope they put out the original Cannes cut on DVD.

James T said...

OK I failed the IQ question: What do all the gratuities pix have in common..
I thought it was just about guys being hot, in nude or not.
Alas, he does not take them off but I was totally projecting that Carlos scene all the time so..I'm excused? ;)

Unknown said...

Magic mike is a brilliant film thought all off them were sexy but matt and chaning are my favourite in the film i think matt bomer is gorgeous in clothes and out im totally jealous of simon he gets to see that sexy man naked ;)

will h said...

I just saw On The Road, and I'm fairly sure that kiss scene was in the movie.

Jason Adams said...

I might have gotten it backwards with this kiss between them then, I wasn't sure which one.

Unknown said...

Matt Bomer is as nice as he is gorgeous, which just makes hlm all the more beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I vote for Jensen Ackles in "anything and everything, including that time he woke up on the floor, covered in coffee grinds" but that wasn't an option or anything.

Since I couldn't pencil him in or anything (does that sound dirty? I hope so) I voted for Matt. He's nearly as pretty as gah, let's face it, so fucking pretty. Also? His ass is nearly as gorgeous as his face.

Tyler O. said...

I don't follow Channing at all but he's got a cute bum I'll give you that. Is that gif of him walking to the b/r from The Vow?

Jason Adams said...

This gif is from The Vow. This gif is from Magic Mike. He gave us this shot repeatedly! Saint Channing - I hereby nominate him for sainthood.