(Some spoilers ahead) I don't think I could have been happier with The Cabin in the Woods if it had ended with a complimentary handjob from Chris Hemsworth upon exiting the theater. Alright, that's an overstatement... but not as much as it could be, since I felt as good as hand-jobbed by the movie itself! (I really want that to make it onto a poster. "As good as a handjob!" says My New Plaid Pants!) I literally giggled my way through the entire weekend after seeing it, my brain working back through all the happy spots Drew & Joss & Co. took us. Unicorns! Japanese girls with frog spirits! A giant tentacle sweeping away Amy Acker in an instant, practically with a "Yoink!" sound effect! Oh truest bliss, I have found thee.
Could I possibly be fair and balanced talking about this movie when it was created in a lab by awesome scientists (that is, scientists of awesomeness) out of everything I love most to be The Perfect Movie For Me? I cannot. This was the best time I've had in a movie theater in I don't know how long, I guess since Drag Me To Hell, another movie that was so finely attuned to precisely my crazy-person wavelength that it's impossible for me to be rational. Only The Cabin in the Woods even more so, because not only did it give me a fully satisfying horror movie with characters that I cared about (I've heard people complain otherwise, but I do not agree), but it gave me a smart reassessment and deconstruction of that same thing at the same time. It was everything to every-me! And then the movie just slammed its halves together into the funniest bunch of mayhem this side of Blazing Saddles. When I saw the monster boxes I couldn't even dare to dream that they'd all be opening... but they did! They did! And all was good.
I'm having a hard time sitting in my chair right now knowing I could walk out the door, cross a few blocks, and see The Cabin in the Woods again right now. This is a movie I know I'll be finding dozens of things to stare at, ponder, and giggle at anew with each and every viewing. There's layer upon layer at work here - we the audience are the Elder Gods demanding a fresh blood sacrifice! Mermen are slimy! - and never in a pedantic tiresome way. It's done with tons of love, and intelligence, and wit, and bear-traps. What more could I have asked for? I mean besides that handjob from Chris Hemsworth.