Friday, March 16, 2012

TGT11: The Great Gratuities of 2011, #10-1


Again, I'm keeping this brief because you're already scanning down through the list, I know it.... yup, there you went. Here's a link to twelve runners-up to this list if you missed them, and here's #20-11. And now drumroll  etc. here's my ten favorite male gratuities of 2011.

Ryan Gosling for Crazy Stupid Love -  I imagine I will get yelled at for Ryan only making #10 - I know how attached y'all have become to him. Me too! Me too, dammit. The efforts of nine (well ten technically) others just outweighed his dapper swagger here by a bit. (He probably lost some points for keeping The Driver fully clothed the whole time, if I'm gonna be honest. He couldn't pose and flex on the hood of a hot car even once?) 

Tom Cullen and Chris New for Weekend - Tom Cullen had me at his "dick-in-butt face." Seriously though these guys chemistry was off the charts (impressive since Cullen's apparently straight) and they made just lounging around the morning after sexy. Although the night during was totally good too. (more here)

Alexander Skarsgard for Straw Dogs and Melancholia - Alex would've placed lower on the list if it had just been for Straw Dogs (not to knock it - he's redneck sex incarnate) but then I remembered at the last minute him half out of his tux on the bedroom floor in Melancholia and he shot ahead a few spots right quick. A man half out of formal wear is the best look ever. (more Straw Dogs here)

Jung-jae Lee for The Housemaid - Besides his perfect physical form (what is this "besides" of which I speak?) there's such an arrogant air about Lee in this movie that is so hot. He's such a jerk! Delicious. From the front and especially the back...

Otto Jr. for The Silver Cliff - Oh how I wish I could offer up more photos of Otto Jr. in The Silver Cliff than I've been able to show off so far. I posted some shots back when I first saw the movie from the brief footage I could find online, but there's so much more to see. The film starts with a long shot of him walking around in public in just a little black speedo, and a few minutes later he'll have seemed positively overdressed back when he was in that little black speedo. And he's such a big bushy-bearded brute. 

Chris Evans for What's Your Number? and Captain America and Puncture - It was only a year or two ago that Chris Evans' publicist or manager or whoever said he was stepping away from taking off his shirt, wasn't it? I can't really remember, the ripples from the internet exploding are still coming backwards through time and clouding my perception.

But what a difference some sanity makes. Chris went all out in 2011, pumping up to hulking enormity for Captain America (more here), wearing stripper-suspenders and not much else in Puncture (more here and here), and then there was the behemoth that was his 95% unclothed performance in What's Your Number (more here and here and here). Good boy, Chris.

Eric Bana for Hanna - In another year Eric Bana coming out of the water in nothing but a soaking wet pair of long underwear would have blown away all the competition, but good god has this been a wonderfully crazy year. The top three beat him out by excess alone - if only Eric had elbowed that little blonde girl out of the way and spent the whole running time swimming around and sunning himself on rocks, then maybe he'd have topped the top three. (Mmmm that phrase.) See a bunch of caps here.

Henry Cavill for Immortals - I rewatched Immortals last week and felt exactly the same way I did about it in the theater - it's beyond beautiful and also deadly dull. It just takes itself far too seriously when it should be having more fun. But then I also felt that nothing else matters in the world except for the ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous body that Henry Cavill was swinging around the whole time. Just... ridiculous. (And the fact that Man of Steel has him keeping the body while growing out his chest hair on top of that means you can check off a spot in next year's list as reserved.) See more from Immortals here and here and here and here and here.

Dominic Cooper for The Devil's Double - Double the pleasure and double the Dom, this movie was the love letter to Dominic Cooper's most perfect ass slash everything above and below that most perfect ass that we've all been waiting for. It's so amazing it has to be on screen twice at the same time! Just imagine the lucky duck who did the special effects on this movie, spending hours of their day CG'ing four Dominic Cooper ass-cheeks into a single frame. That right there is the most fortunate person in the world. I hope they retired after this, living off the memories for the rest of their life. It's all downhill from there, lucky person! See extensive caps here.

And finally...

Michael Fassbender for Shame - Otherwise known as "Duh!" This pick was chiseled into stone tablets by a soothsayer several millennia ago. Not only did he give my favorite performance by a male actor this year but he exposed his emotions and the extensive length of his shaft. That's called honing your craft.

Is there any wonder he's the biggest thing to happen to Hollywood in years? When George Clooney christens the great ship Movie Star by swinging your penis against it like a bottle of champagne then you know you've arrived. See previous posts devoted to Fassy the man and Fassy the man-parts (calling his dick Fassy Jr. just does not work, for most obvious reasons) here and here. Bonus points to Michael for coming out swinging in X-Men: Muppet Babies, giving us a preview of coming attractions.


1 comment:

James T said...

Jason, you are awesomer than awesome!
Difficult to vote in this case. Mayben I won't. Maybe I'll just have fantasies with all of them.