Tuesday, February 01, 2011

TGT10: The Tattered Trousers


Fuck these movies. They stole away my life from me, and I hate them for it. And everyone associated with them, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You should sit in a corner and contemplate the choices you made in life that led you to this place. I'm not even wasting any more of my breath on them. They've stolen enough of my life away. Here are 2010's six travesties of film-making. Six because that's the devil's number!

Legion (dir. Scott Charles Stewart)

Resident Evil: Afterlife (dir. Paul W. S. Anderson)

The Last Airbender (dir. M Night Shyamalan)

The Last Exorcism
(dir. Daniel Stamm) - (original review)

Love and Other Drugs
(dir. Edward Zwick) - (original review)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
(dir. Tom Six) - (original review)

I can hear the film-makers replying to me now, "Well fuck you too, I was just doing my job, I made my money." You know who else was just doing their jobs and made their money? No, not porn stars. Nazis. I heard that Legion was Joseph Goebbels' favorite movie. Pol Pot used to invite over friends every Saturday to have mimosas and watch The Last Airbender five times in a row. Jeffrey Dahmer ate his cannibal meals off of plates that had images from The Human Centipede embossed on them. Osama Bin Laden went out and got his hair done just like Anne Hathaway's after watching Love and Other Drugs. So fuck you back a second time, you bunch of monsters.


billybil said...

You are so funny! I love how much you hate!!

Ross said...

I actually enjoyed Resident Evil and Human Centipede, but only because I went in with the lowest of the low expectations.