Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving's Ways Not To Die

Today's Holiday Edition of our Ways Not To Die series
is doubling as a Life Lesson. So please remember...

Everything you need to know about Thanksgiving
you can learn from...

Jurassic Park (1993)

Volunteer Boy: That's not very scary.
More like a six-foot Turkey.
Dr. Alan Grant: A turkey, huh? Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back.
And that's when the attack comes.
Not from the front, but from the side...

... from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines.

The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you.
So you know... try to show a little respect.

Volunteer Boy: Okay.



Jeff Hansen said...

Hey, that's Duckface!

Anonymous said...

90's Sam Neil was SO freaking yummy!