Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Your Friends & Neighbors (1998)

Cary (Jason Patric): Okay, fine. You wanna hear [my best]?
Huh? Senior year. Gym class.

Barry (Aaron Eckhart): What d'you guys have
a co-ed gym or something?

Cary: No. His name was Timmy Carter.

Jerry (Ben Stiller): Timmy?

Barry: Isn't that a boy's name?

Cary: He was a guy from my high school PE class.
My best fuck.

Barry: .... What?

Cary: It's the truth. It was almost Spring vacation... late March... and we'd had about all the shit we could take from little Timmy. He'd turned four of us in during an English exam earlier in the week, so... Coach is down in the lounge for a smoke. We grab his ass, drag him into the showers. Held him down. Tore off his clothes. And we each took a turn. I mean, we actually did this guy. Up the butt. I mean... we were some crazy fuckers at that age.

I was the last one. So, I dunno if he'd given over by this time or what, goddamn it was... nice. I mean how can I explain this? It's never been like with a woman. As many as I've fucked.... never. Not even close. He's face down. And my friends are holding him spread out. But Timmy and I are making love like we're on some beach in the Mediterranean. I kid you not. Fuck. It was amazing. I feel him taking my rhythm, he's clenching me off when I get too deep. Shit he did everything right. And I know he came when I did. I mean... I didn't check or anything, but... I could tell. I mean I shouldn't even be telling you guys but... fuck, I have never known anything like it. Ever.

Like I said there wasn't too much of the school year left and Timmy dropped out. I guess. I mean, he finished from home. But... goddamn him. He never turned us in. He never said a word about it to anyone. And I admired him for that. But I think the reason he kept silent - and I feel I'm right about this - is that he felt that something special had happened as well. Him and me. I mean those other guys just fucked him to teach him a lesson, but... we... I know something special happened.

Barry: Jesus... are you making this up?

Cary: Fuck no. This happened, I told you before, this is my life. You'd have taken the same steps. Common decency dictated the whole thing. I just didn't expect to find somebody who... you know... understood me, is all.

Anyhow that's mine, big deal. At least I got one.

.

Not exactly sure why this scene of all scenes popped into my head this morning - it is Ben Stiller's birthday...? - but it did, and now it haunts me anew even though I haven't seen this flick in a decade. You want horror in unexpected places this scene's a master lesson. LaBute does everything right - this wouldn't have been worked as well if it hadn't been Jason Patric, beautiful Jason Patric with those eyes, that face, delivering this nightmare speech. It works on me the same way that American Psycho works on me - a corrupt fantasy turned inside out.
.