Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

.

Seriously. This one gets kinda nasty.
You've been warned.


The drunk slutty lady is making a salad for her husband after rolling off the couch in a drunken stupor two minutes ahead of him getting home. Mmm-mmm, a dinner made with love! And, well, slugs. A dinner made with slugs. And mutant murderous slugs at that!


I suppose we can give her the benefit of not noticing the sliced-slug weeping gore in her lettuce as she fixes the salad since she's been drinking and passed out all day. But just this once!


The husband (at left) isn't feeling too well. What with the killer mutant slug salad making a muck of his belly. But he's gotta earn the cash for all the booze that his wife passes out on during her afternoon story-programs, so he goes to his lunch-meeting anyway.

Mistake
. Not as big a mistake as eating the salad filled with slug-guts, but he could've kept what's about to happen at home, where it belongs. Won't somebody think of the wait-staff?

Anyway... bottoms up...


I hear ya, lady.

"I didn't order a Bloody Mary! Waitress!"

Do you think that waitress quit her job after this? I think she probably did. And hopefully she was consoled by that hunky fella right in front of her there. Hi there, hunky fella. Hubba hubba! Oh wait, where was I? Oh, yeah, the-guy-who-ate-the-slug-salad's FACE IS BUSY EXPLODING WITH BABY SLUGS, that's right.


That's the best that actress could muster.
I just thought I would point that out.

Slugs (1988)

I know that I have mentioned this before, but Slugs is fucking awesome. And it was partially filmed in my hometown!


Trombinos, the restaurant seen above where this scene was filmed, is right around the corner from where my father lived when I was a teenager. So of course, this makes an already pretty awesome movie even awesomer through its personal connection to me. Like with everything personally connected to me. Me = Awesomer. Stick that in your slug-salad and smoke it!

--------------------------------------
Previous Ways Not To Die: Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought you grew up in Newark NY.
why would they film part
of the movie in Spain, and part of it
in a tiny hamlet in rural New york State?

JA said...

I can't tell you why the makers of Slugs did a lot of things, including filming it in Spain and East Bumfucke, NY, but they did. It's weird that they list it as "Wayne, NY" on IMDb, I guess they're just mean Wayne County since II think they filmed all around the area a bit.

And that restaurant's actually in the town over from Newark, called Lyons, which is where my father lived.

I didn't get into all this in my post though because no one cares and I think you probably regret even bringing this up after reading all this, anonymous. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I'm a real fan of the site
I only brought it up because
I live in Rochester, and worked
in Newark NY for a while
so I know your hometown area

Bob Turnbull said...

Mmmmm, "smoked slugs"...

So were these alcoholic slugs? Is that why they raced to his face to get every additional available drop of the drink? And did they hit the bar after cracking his face open?

Anyway, you summed it up nicely. That was indeed pretty fucking awesome. I'm adding this one to my zip list.