Thursday, August 13, 2009

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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There are some movies that I post about here at MNPP so often that I wonder if its overkill and American Psycho sits pretty high towards the top of that list. It's just... it's a film so perfectly geared towards all of my interests; how can I help myself? Smart film-making, smart writing, gorgeous cinematography, great acting, Bale ass, Bale ass drenched in gore... what isn't there to love? I mean, really? I could and hopefully eventually will make it a pet-cause of mine to bathe love on every single aspect of this movie (with repeat rest-stops at the whole naked-Bale pit-stop, obviously).


But somehow I realized yesterday that this movie has never gotten a shout-out in my Ways Not To Die series! The horror! Really. Terrible. Monstrous. So I had to rectify that with much haste. I contemplated the splendorous scene between Bale and Jared Leto - 'Do you like Huey and the News?" - but I've had Cara Seymour on the brain lately so this was the death that bubbled and brewed forward.

Thinking about this scene... well I always want to say "Poor 'Christie'" - she gives the fight a good go and only dies because the world Patrick Bateman exists in only plays by his rules - but it seems so outrageous to me every time I watch the film that she gets in the limo with Bateman that second time after he broke out the wire hanger that first time.


Girl! No! You don't go back after that shit! Ugh it's infuriating. And if you've read the book then you know in great, extended detail - ugh - what actually happens in that wire-hanger scene, the movie (thankfully) doesn't show it, so it seems even crazier that she goes back with that knowledge screaming in your brain. And then she gets so close to escape! So close! Oh 'Christie'. Sadness.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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5 comments:

shaun said...

So funny...our tastes intersect in so many places...Jake, horror, the Cardigans, Wiig...I could go on and on...yet this is one significant point of divergence...I despise American Psycho...I can't even enjoy Bale's hotness in it...it's the only movie I ever walked out on in a theater...and it was right after that wire hanger scene...glad there's someone to give the movie love ;o)

J.D. said...

Ugh, hottest murder scene ever.

Prospero said...

For once, I must disagree. Probably one of the most dispicably misogynistic movies ever made, using the worst 80's music in its soundtrack and implying that if you are rich and white, you can get away with murder. I hated every second of it. Of course, I hate most of B.E. Ellis' works. Other than Bale's amazing body on display, there is nothing to like about this movie at all. I hated it so much, it's the film that got me writing about movies in the first place.

pomme said...

I love so much this movie,this satire is so hilarious so gore so creepy!
I want to see again Christian Bale in a crazy or creepy or funny character (together will be better)

MinkyUrungus said...

Boy, we sure do got a few people here who missed the point completely with this movie.