Gosh I can't wait for the scene where the toothless hillbilly slob pokes the meteorite with a stick and yells the word FUCK a bunch of times... with dire consequences. And then the other scene where the toothless LADY hillbilly slob yells FUCK a bunch of times and squeezes her nipples... with dire consequences. Sigh. Via Slash:
"Just when I was hoping that Rob Zombie would step away from remakes/sequels, and return to direct an original project, we’ve learned that the rock musician turned filmmaker has signed on to write, direct, and produce a remake of the 1958 horror classic The Blob.
Variety reports that funding is in place to make an R-rated $30 million film, and Zombie will complete the script while he’s on tour with his new album this fall. Producers are confident that a distribution deal will be made before the production begins in Spring 2010.
... My immediate reaction is that the story won’t work for audiences today unless you made it a period horror-comedy, something like Mars Attacks or Slither. But that is not in the plans. Zombie says he intends “to make it scary,” and touts the “freedom” he has been given “to take it in any crazy direction.” Zombie was a fan of the original, but has much different plans for the reinvention. So don’t expect a “big red blobby thing” as Zombie says “That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.” The list of producers includes original Blob producer Jack H. Harris."
I know I said that I wasn't going to be talking about Halloween II this week, but I've got to admit that I was really happy to read this pan of the movie at AICN which for real 100% extinguished any chance I might watch the film ever. I hate actively rooting for something to suck, I like to think I'm better than that. That I always go into something with an open mind. (Cue laugh track.) Seriously though, it's tough enough making genre movies and getting a budget to do so, so I don't ever want a horror film to suck. I want to be scared! I live for it. But I knew the minute I saw Sheri Moon Zombie slathered in kabuki make-up that Zombie needed to step the fuck off. And while I don't really have that big an attachment to The Blob in either incarnation, I feel like, as my opening paragraph suggests, I can already write the fuck-laced toothless hillbilly screenplay for this fuckery right now. And I'm bored. I'm bored, Rob Zombie. Poke me with a fucking stick, I am done.
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2 comments:
Oh, the hillbilly won't poke the meteor with a *stick*...
I happen to love "The Devil's Rejects" (even though we never find out what happened to Dr. Satan). That having been said, "Halloween" was a complete waste of celluloid (they still print movies on celluloid, right?). And the 1988 remake of "The Blob" was good, gory fun (despite the woodeness of Kevin Dillon's 'acting'). But I have to know why some schmuck studio exec is going to let Zombie shit all over yet another classic movie.
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