When did I fall in love with Danny McBride? I can't really pin-point precisely when it happened - maybe Pineapple Express, maybe when I rewatched All the Real Girls, maybe somewhere in the middle of Eastbound & Down - but I have fallen for this man and I have fallen for him hard. His presence has overtaken Anna Friel's as my primary reason for wanting to see Land of the Lost now. Anyway, I finally got around to The Foot Fist Way this weekend, and I thought I'd share some of his character Fred Simmons' lil' nuggets of not-so-spritiual wisdom. Because these are important things to believe in. Except for the last example these are pictures of the reaction shots of those receiving his wisdoms because - priceless.
"Meditation's great and all but I never heard of it saving anyonefrom a gang-rape type situation. Meditate on that. Rape."
"This world is a dark dark forest. And if you open up a man and look into most of their hearts you'll find disgust and evil. You hear me? Your own parents. Your mother and father. Would slit your throat just to get ahead. And when you find a wife, you watch her, and you don't believe a single word she says because at the core, people? Are shit. The only person that you can trust is me. Your Tae Kwon Do instructor."
"If you were in prison you would be raped
because you exude feminine qualities.
You're also a big ol' fat piece of ass."
"I think my answer to that question is gonna have to be... fuck you. I don't care if you wake up in a ditch with grown men shitting on you and jumping on top of your head. Maybe your nose will turn into a big ol' dick and you can stroke that all of the time. I hope your hair turns into dog shit someday and you wake up and you run your comb through it and that it's little tendrils of dog shit. The worst shit that you can imagine. AIDS. It's cool. Everything comes around sweetheart."
"I'm so hungry I could eat a grown man's ass right now."
That last one isn't really a piece of advice...
I guess the it's more a way of life.
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