Friday, April 24, 2009

5 Off My Head - Enrichen The Visionaries

There's a terrific query being bandied about over at Twitch today, and it goes a little something like this:

"What if some bored billionaire philanthropist just phones someone and says:

“I like what you’re doing. Here is 100.000.000 USD, no questions asked. Spend it all on your movie. Have fun, no further interference from me, but make it a good one!”

Which directors would I want this to happen to?"

Ooooh good question. So I gave it some thought and came up with five of my own. There are several directors that didn't make my list because they don't seem to need 100 million dollars to achieve what they want to from their film-making (Herzog, Haneke, Park Chan-wook), one that I am literally afraid to see what he'd do with that much money (David Lynch would make a movie of Laura Dern peeling all of her flesh off in one 20 hour long take), one that I'd apparently need to demand some restrictions upon before I handed over the cash (It has to be a fucking horror movie, David Cronenberg!), and one that hasn't directed anything yet so I didn't feel fit the rules as set forth (Bryan Fuller, you know you've got my vote otherwise!). So here are my five:

Joss Whedon - I can't decide if him being totally free to whatever he wanted to do would bring out an ego-beast the size of Montana or if it'd result in unfettered genius, but then I think of the freedom he had with Dr. Horrible and I lean towards the latter.

Todd Solondz - I have no idea if he'd even know how to spend 100 million on a movie, but oh imagine the deranged possibilities! And after what he's given the world artistically speaking so far the guy deserves a break from financial concerns for once. I want a three-hour Dawn Weiner epic that spans all of time and space!

John Waters - Like Solondz, I just want to reward this guy, and have no idea if he could even spend 100 million dollars on making a movie. But I can hear John's voice in my head - John Waters' voice often talks to me inside of my head - laughing that laugh and saying in response to that, "Oh you better fucking believe I could spoend 100 million dollars on a movie!" I picture a fleet of male strippers defecating on the moon in a Busby Berkeley formation.

Terry Gilliam - Twitch had him on their list as well, but there isn't, as far as I'm concerned, a better answer to this question than him. The man's proven time and again that he's an unparalleled visual wizard, but never gets a break. I fear for how many people might fall to his supposed curse in the wake of such success, but I'm willing to accept some casualties for his art.

Guillermo del Toro - Like Gilliam, I just wanna see what he'd dream up with total freedom and heaps of cash. I know he's not exactly hurting for high-profile big-budget films these days, but I like to think we'd finally get the HP Lovecraft movie of all our fucking nightmares if he got the chance to make whatever the hell he wanted to. And I want that movie yesterday.

There are a bunch more perfectly acceptable answers to this question - maybe even some that aren't white and/or dudes! - so let 'em rip in the comments. Who would you pick?


zyr said...

My list is very much in line with yours:

Joss Whedon, specifically for a musical of sorts. Whether a Dr. Horrible sequel or not, I'm in love with his & his family's lyrics & arrangements...

Terry Gilliam, hopefully with the best working under him in script and story editing. (The Brothers Grimm could've been incredible, but suffered as it didn't know what it wanted to be--self-deprecating comedy, serious fantasy drama, etc.) And please, no kitten death this time.

Guillermo del Toro, for something three parts fairy tale, one part horror. Pan's Labyrinth's spiritual successor, if you will.

Chris Sanders, the man behind Lilo & Stitch (shut up, it's wonderful) and the infinitely cooler original story behind Bolt before he was canned for being 'too quirky for his own good.'

Bryan Fuller & Barry Sonnenfeld for a joint Pushing Daisies film. Coming off the PD high (and lows) from PaleyFest's screening, a full length feature with Ned, Chuck & the rest is all I want to see right now. *sniff*

Anonymous said...

1.- John Waters
Because he deserves it and it's a damn shame he's having a hard time finding funding for his next movie (plus it's been five fucking years since the last one).

2.- Alejandro Jodorowsky
I've always wondered what he would do on such a massive budget.

3.- Kenneth Anger
30 years ago I bed he would have made the best movie ever. Just remember how impressive "Lucifer Rising" is, and he didn't have this kind of money.

4.- Bruce LaBruce, Guy Maddin, Paul Verhoeven ("Starship Troopers 2", please), Lars Von Trier (he's got a horrible war movie in him somewhere), Todd Haynes, Todd Solondz (I can't imagine how a 100 mil Todd Solondz movie would be like. I wish he'd take the money and use it to make twenty 5 million a piece movies and release one each of the next twenty years). I'd give the money to Del Toro only if he agreed to direct Alan Moore's "Lost Girls".

Pax Romano said...

John Waters: Ditto to what everyone else said. And if there is any money left over, go make that opera based on Pink Flamingos, PLEASE!

Brian DePalma: I happen to love his work. Sue me. But there would be one caveat, this time I want to see hot guys taking showers, and being stalked by other hot guys, and I want to see A LOT of gratuitous male nudity. And I want it all awash in some DePalma over-the-top nonsense. Yes, that's what I want.

George Romero: Here ya go, Uncle Georgie, go make the ultimate zombie flick. You worked long and hard and deserve it.