Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dear Chris Evans,


Well I will admit your management is getting some things right now that you've gone and booked the most exciting movie you've ever been a part of (aka Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World).

But perhaps you ought to look at the failure of your last film Push ($24 mil after three weeks of release) as a sign that you should not be out there jabbering your jaw about the fact that you don't think you'll be disrobing any time soon.

Because that sort of talk kills boners. And boner-killing is not how you sell a movie, my friend. Here, let me show you something:

It's very scientific! So just you keep this in mind the next time you're at a photo-shoot. There are so many ways to get away with it. Sneak off when nobody's looking and spike the temperature gauge! "Oh my gosh, Mr. Photographer, it sure is hot in this room. I think I might just have to take off my shirt." Or maybe, you know, you're walking down Wilshire Blvd. and you see some paparazzi standing there. You know what'd sell newspapers? You taking off your pants and running down the street.

So in summation,
Don't kill boners, Chris Evans!
A boner never did anything to you.
Um... unless a boner has done something to you.
In which case, where do I sign up?


Hugh Man said...

I can't say I fully enjoyed Push, but there were some great moments where his back was naked (I'm reaching I know), but having to get what I can and seeing the narrow of his naked back a couple times was somewhat refreshing.

mac20 said...

JA's sage advice, pure inspiration.
Chris Evans' best photo-shoot outfit, perspiration.

Anonymous said...

Push was ok. During most of the movie I was thinking it was Heros. I did like their use of names for abilities but the action was light. It was way better than F13, WAY better.

Chris spent most of the movie dirty and sweaty but not as mouth watering as usual. Dakota was very good and I was surprised to see an old favorite of mine Ming-Na (small role).

As for the shirt thing, it didn't seem to hurt Paul Neuman, Robert Redford, Brad Pitt, and many more.

TheoSav said...

I don't know how to respond to this--

Anonymous said...

I think that his publicist is the boner killer. The publicist nagged him about that boner-inducing session in "Flaunt" magazine.

Sidebar- YUMMO!

Him being shirtless in what made the Fantastic Four films bearable.

Anonymous said...

yeah dont listen to your publicist! push was great but i was thinking y is it so conservative it wouldve been a bigger hit with a lil more flesh

Anonymous said...

5 things: more body = more publicity = more projects = more happy fans = more money. Very Simple! love you chris