Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Do, Dump or Marry - Lost Edition!

I have blown my own mind with the realization that this is a post that has gone unposted until now. How? Why? Ack cannot compute. So here it is. Tonight, Lost returns after seventeen billion months. And even though I'm pissed off at ABC over the way they've handled Pushing Daisies - seriously fuckers, you couldn't have siphoned .0001% of your advertising for Lost towards the occasional commercial for PD? - I'm still gonna watch because donkey-wheels and four-toed statues have me hooked but good. Gotta see the crazy through to the end.

But most importantly, this show has a cast filled with damn hot pieces. So many I could hardly choose just three for this here round of Do, Dump or Marry. Okay not really - these three guys are easily my favorite eye-candy on the show, give or take an Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje or Henry Ian Cusick or an unfortunate Ian Somerhalder relapse. But I'm complicating it by making us have to choose which CHARACTER we'd Do, Dump or Marry. That's right - we're not choosing between Matthew Fox, Daniel Dae Kim, and Josh Holloway, but rather between Jack Shephard, Jin Kwon, and James 'Sawyer' Ford. Our players then:

Jack Shephard (Matthew Fox) - Just a do-gooder with a superiority complex and a chip the size of Australia on his shoulder or a a do-gooder with a superiority complex and a chip the size of Australia on his shoulder that nevertheless looks like Matthew Fox?

Jin Kwon (Daniel Dae Kim) - It'd be easier to swoon over the sacrifices he's made and devotion he's proven for his beloved Sun recently if we also didn't remember all that lying and bullying he was up to back in the day.

James 'Sawyer' Ford (Josh Holloway) - Bad boy damaged goods with a knack for folksy nicknames and lots of buried schmoopy longing for freckled fellow castaways.

Okay, make with it in the comments, y'all...
which wins your heart after you've been rescued (and/or killed);
which would you lock yourself in a monkey cage with for one night,
and who's getting thrown between you and the smoke monster?


Anonymous said...

Oh frabjuous day!

DO (over and over again): Sawyer. Fine piece of ass, no doubt, but I'd never be able to trust him. Would make a great stay-up-all-night-drinking booty call.

DUMP: Jin. All that pent up anger and aggression would make me wary of keeping him around for too long. The language barrier would be inconvenient as well.

MARRY: Jack... my hero. I love a sexy man with a superiority complex. Plus, I like being taken care of, and Herr Jack is extremely loyal and is a big 'ole softie on the inside. The tattoos are the icing on the beefcake.

Calum Reed said...

Jack is a bit of a sap but I'd have to be torn away from Sawyer, so...

Do: Sawyer
Dump: Jin
Marry: Jack

Anonymous said...

DO: Jack. as long as he keeps his mouth shut.

DUMP: Sawyer. and his dopey, on again off again southern accent.

MARRY: Jin. And do him over and over again.

Jason Adams said...

For the record I would -

Do Jin
Dump Sawyer
Marry Jack

Michael Parsons said...

I would have to do Jack. Really hard and repeatedly.

I would dump Jin. He doesn't seem like a one nighter, and marriage to him would be problematic.

Marry Sawyer....he looks like a swinger.

Joe Reid said...

DUMP (and then punch) Jack
DO (and then dump) Sawyer
MARRY (and then mourn) Jin

Anonymous said...

I would do Sawyer. Over and over again until he tapped of his seed.

I would marry Jack is his furry-chestedness. Yummo!

Dump. Dump. DUMP! Jin. That is all.

ShoNuff Lives said...

do sawyer (HOT, but once he opens his mouth for real conversation, its over)

dump jack (yeah, he's hot, but whiny)

marry jin (hot, sweet, and you know he'll kill for you)

Anonymous said...

DO: Jack--over and over until he has to get his tattoos re-inked. But it would have to be Amish-beard-Jack who's strung out on booze and pills, because that's the only version I can stomach.

DUMP: Sawyer (he can be such a needy little douche). Okay, so I might try to DO him while dumping him. Is that legal?

MARRY: Jin. But make sure Sun isn't around, 'cuz she will cut a bitch (even her own Dad).

Anonymous said...

Sawyer just doesn't seem like the marrying type. Do him, dump Jackass, marry Jin.

Friend Mouse said...

DO Sawyer. He can read Watership Down to me in between go-rounds. Mmmmmm-mm!

DUMP that mopey whiny self-important God-complexed ass Jack.

MARRY Jin - the prior nastiness can be forgiven for a man that pretty.

Prospero said...

Do Jack. Dump Sawyer. Marry Jin.

Taffy said...

Do: Jack
Dump: Sawyer
Marry: Ji
Do On the Side: Sayid!!!

Anonymous said...

Do: Jack (always think he has the biggest P, ha)
Dump: Sawyer (did u guys see the new Lost? someone's getting a little chubchub)

Marry: Jin

John T said...

Do Sawyer
Marry Jack
Dump Jin