I Have A Confession To Make

I just now realized whilst in the middle of something that the something I was in the middle of was weird, in a funny way, and figured y'all might find it humorous.

I know I've shared before that whilst I am here at work I don't ever watch anything with sound. I could hook up ear-phones but I need to listen for my phone to ring, and I can't turn up the speakers because my office is normally kept very quiet. Anyway, point being, no sound for me, boo hoo.

So today, io9 has a pair of interesting, albeit brief, interviews up with people involved with the approaching televisual juggernaut Dollhouse - the first interview is with Joss Whedon himself, which the interviewer was nice enough to transcribe, so I got to know what the video was saying without having sound. Yay!

The second interview is with Tahmoh Penikett, BSG-stud, Dollhouse-stud-to-be, and the interviewer wrote down the basic gist of what Tahmoh says, even if it isn't as perfectly transcribed as the Joss one was.

But here's where the thing that I was doing that prompted this post occurred: I went ahead and watched the Tahmoh videos anyway, without any sound, just to watch him talk. I mean, just to watch the way his face moved and to stare at the way he smiled and was just all around adorable.


And then I felt weird.

And then I wrote this post. And I felt weird again. Right now.

So now you have all been caught up on the state of my life. Carry on.
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If A Woodchuck Could Chuck

When I recently saw Werner Herzog's latest documentary, Encounters at the End of the World, I said this:

"Herzog movies are just varying degrees of great (I've never seen a bad one)."

I suppose I was setting myself up for a discovery of failure then... and I have discovered it! I have discovered a bad Werner Herzog movie. It's called How Much Would Would a Woodchuck Chuck? and it's from 1976 and it's a short doc on the art of auctioneering.

Okay... just so we're clear, "bad" is a relative term. It's only 44 minutes long, for one, and it's bookended by fifteen to twenty minutes or so of good stuff. His interviews with the auctioneers that begin and end the film are stuffed with the sort of terrific observations that he's known for. He always gets the oddest stories from people; ones that tell you heaps about them in the briefest of instants, and it's always fascinating.

But then there's the centerpiece of the film, which is approximately twenty straight minutes of us watching these men (and one woman!) perform their derring-do of vomiting auction-speak at a billion syllables per second at us over a bunch of ugly cows. And it feels endless. There's literally no break; it just shows us nearly every contestant at this enormous auctioneer competition trying their hand at selling a cow to the highest bidder. I eventually had to just fast-forward through it, which PAINED me. I've never wanted to fast-forward through a Herzog movie in my life! I tried to hold out as long as I could... but I couldn't. I was defeated.

I did not watch any of the extras on the disc, but it seemed fairly obvious that the three docs I watched last evening (the other two of the set, La Soufriere - in which Werner wanders around an abandoned island where a volcano is about to explode - and The Great Ecstasy of the Sculptor Steiner - a doc on the Swiss ski-flyer, who kept breaking records left and right but didn't seem to want to - are fantastic and highly recommended) were all done for German television and were meant as educational, and I imagine the art of cattle auctioneering was probably more interesting to the foreign set of eyes the film was intended for. Those that had never seen into that world, that is. I imagine these auction folks seemed that way to Werner back then, as well. Not that I spent my childhood wrangling steers or anything, but the country-folk depicted seemed pretty average to this American one generation off being raised on a farm.

All that said, the film did allow Werner to get off this beautiful insight (via):

"I believe auctioneering to be the last poetry possible, the poetry of capitalism."

God I love this man.
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I Am Link

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--- First off a Happy 43rd Birthday to Miss JK Rowling today! 43 stinking years old and richer than the Queen. Damn.

And since Jo's about the nicest mega-billionaire around, she's giving us a gift today: news that The Tales of Beedle the Bard, her companion piece to the Harry Potter series that up until now was only available in super-duper-extra-limited (as in there were seven freaking copies made) editions, is going to be released for all us Potter-philes to wait in line for hours for at the local Barnes & Noble and then snatch out of a wide-eyed child's hands at 12:01am on December 4th of this year. Yay! And all the cash goes to charity.

--- Such Swede Blood - STYD has word that the Swedish vampire flick Let the Right One In is actually going to get a release here in the States in October; I'm psyched because word-o-mouth on it has been excellent, and after this morning's shitty Meat Train news this makes the world seem less terrible.

--- Bunny Blowed Up Real Good - Rich at FourFour understands things. Deeply. Like why Neil Marshall's last flick Doomsday kicks so very very much ass.

--- The Crystal Lake Crowd - You know why the remake of Friday the 13th will probably suck, at least in comparison with the original? It won't have this group of characters as plotted out by Billy Loves Stu populating the area.They're positively Twin-Peaksian.

--- Don't! Stacie Ponder's latest column at AMC tackles a dream-list of double-features for the Drive-In, and is wonderful. Her final entry reminded me of Edgar Wright's wonderful fake-trailer from Grindhouse for "Don't!" So I'm posting that trailer, because I laugh and laugh whenever I see it. Ah laughter. It's like medicine!

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Clive Barker Can't Get No...

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... R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I knew that Lionsgate was dumping The Midnight Meat Train this weekend in practically no theaters... turns out it's even more offensive than just that. Via BD:

"We reported awhile back that the film was slated to open in limited theaters on August 1st, which is all fine and dandy, until I found out that the film is opening in dollar theaters... yeah, $1 theaters. "They're dumping it at mostly dollar theaters (the second run theaters, so it'll make even LESS money)," writes B-D reader Brian W. (one of a handful who wrote in). "It's playing at a Dollar Theater in Norwalk and Oklahoma and Idaho. Check MovieTickets.com if you don't believe me. " The question is, why does Lionsgate want the movie to make less money than it would normally in limited theaters?"

They go on to list the theaters it's playing at and they're all in - no offense to you if you live in these areas, it ain't personal - East Bumfucke, Texas and the like. WTF? Dollar theaters? I... sigh. Just... sigh. Ugh. I need to smack someone. The next person that comes up to my desk I am going to say, "I apologize," and then smack them across the face. Y'all are warned, world.

Guess I'll be waiting for this one on DVD. Remind me not to ever see another Lionsgate movie, y'all. For real. Let's look at what they have coming out, huh? Here's everything (via):


Okay, skipping everything they're releasing in the coming months is much easier than I was anticipating. The only thing I had the slightest curiosity over was the My Bloody Valentine remake and possibly The Spirit, but fuck them both in the ear now. I guess I won't be seeing W either... ah well. Olly hasn't made an interesting movie in a decade anyway.
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"Communist Viet Cong."

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"They left it in the jungle."
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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

..Dark City (1998)

Another Thursday, another post where the movie is so gloom-filled it's kinda hard to see what's happening here. I guess I should've taken a clue from it being called Dark City n' all... alas. If you've no idea what the hell's going on in these stills, all that says to me is you've never seen the film, and the reason I am doing this post is to tell you to see the movie. It just came out on DVD again, with 15 more minutes of footage inserted in, so what better time. No I don't make any money off this. Double alas. This scene is the first huge WTF in the film; there are many to come. But I'm so familiar with the film now, I do wonder how it plays for a newbie. I love how little is explained by this point, and all this crazy shit just happens, out of nowhere. Pulsating eye-rays, check. Clicking-tongue demon-child, check. Fucking glow-in-the-dark jellyfish crawling out of someone's skull, check.

Things that came to mind while watching Dark City for the umpteenth time the other night:

- Golly, Jennifer Connolly had full eyebrows here. Big ol' bushy things. Not to mention she's sporting a couple good-natured extra pounds on her now-always-skeletal frame. And she looks so young.


- Eww, that's the Alias-ruiner as the hooker.


- Kiefer, the out-of-breath vocal tic is still a little much even after watching this movie umpteen times.


- I don't usually understand the appeal of Rufus Sewell, but it's there for me in this movie.


Kinda weird-hot, right? Like somebody pasted googly eyes where his real eyes used to be, but it works. Sometimes. Since my first impression of him was this film, I find it odd that nowadays he's always seeming to be cast as an asshole. He's a good guy!

- I should find something to say about William Hurt in this movie or the boyfriend will be angry at me. I just... always forget he's in it. He's so... quiet.


- How in the hell is this the same director who made I, Robot? I mean, for one, this movie is so pretty. Here are some random moments of prettiness I grabbed:


I will never ever comprehend Alex Proyas' career path.

And since I'm me and this post wouldn't be complete without my drawing attention to the oddness that was two films of hers practically in a row utilizing the image of Jennifer Connolly standing at the end of a pier as The Idyll, I will draw attention to it, even though it's been said before. How weird is it that Jennifer Connolly stood at the end of a pier in Dark City in 1997...

... and in Requiem For a Dream in 2000?


Weird!

Previous Ways Not To Die: Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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