Thursday, April 03, 2008

Thursday's Ways Not To Die


The Stuff (1985)

Doesn't that really make you crave a fluffernutter? Does me.

How much do you miss this sort of crap? CG has destroyed the art of the terrible exploding dummy head. I don't mean to knock the people who built this Garrett Morris head (sidenote: Garrett Morris! Playing a character named "Chocolate Chip Charlie!!!); in terms of 1980's special effects this is pretty great, almost right up there with the probably pricier dummy work in John Carpenter's The Thing (which came out two years earlier). But yeah... it's cheesy.

And I miss this cheese! Will we look at the shitty vampire hordes in I Am Legend the same 20 years from now? Somehow I doubt it. RIP Shitty Exploding Dummy Heads. You are missed.

One more thing about The Stuff... the little boy was played by Scott Bloom, and his brother in the movie was played by his real-life brother Brian...

It made me feel a little funny, since Brian was only fifteen here, suddenly flooded as I was by memories of my crush on him a few years later...

Ahh, what a perfect post! I managed to include both exploding heads and beefcake! These are the moments I live for.
Previous Ways Not To Die: A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head


PIPER said...


Only you can go from an exploding marshmallow head to half-naked pictures.

This is good stuff. Remember when someone had the balls to put this stuff out there? It wasn't good, but it was fun. Now it's PG-13 Remakes.

But Chocolate Chip Charlie? From SNL to this? Too bad.

mac20 said...

Brian Bloom has also been a hot favorite of mine for years. Who could resist those piercing eyes, and that dark, hairy chest? Many thanks for the gratuitous BB beefcake.

Anonymous said...

Beefcake, like The Stuff; "Too Much, Is Never Enough!"

Anonymous said...

FWIW, Brian Bloom is now doing a car commercial. And, yeah, his chest hair rocks!

Anonymous said...

Remember Brian Bloom's 2 episode run on "OZ" where he played the object of both Beecher and Keller's affections, leading to a tense love triangle, ultimately ending in murder (won't go into details just in case you haven't seen Season 4, Part 2)?

Jason Adams said...

anon #2 - I am terrifically familiar with Mr. Bloom's stint on Oz... watched it more times than could possibly be healthy, I have. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Oh, my god. So, SO HOT!!! *dies from massive blood-loss*