Unnecessary Remake #I Have Lost Count

Kathryn Bigelow's Near Dark is 20 years old this year. How does Hollywood celebrate its anniversary? By announcing a remake, of course! From BD:

"Bloody-Disgusting has been scooped that Samuel Bayer will in fact helm Rogue Pictures' Near Dark remake for Platinum Dunes. Bayer directed music videos for The Smashing Pumpkins, Metallica, Green Day, Garbage and many others. Matt Venne wrote the screenplay that follows a young man who reluctantly joins a travelling "family" of evil vampires, when the girl he'd tried to seduce is part of that group. This will be the next film from Platinum Dunes, which is headed by Brad Fuller and Andrew Form."

Samuel Bayer is from Syracuse, but I'm not giving him any home-field benefit-of-the-doubt. Judging him totally superficially, by his picture on IMDb, he's seen and modeled himself after Lance Henriksen in the original Near Dark (click on the image to the left to embiggen & compare), so I'm guessing he's a fan. So why? Why remake one of the greatest Vampire films ever made? Is money worth your soul??? Bah, what a question.

Who could ever hope to match the genius of Bill Paxton's performance as Severen? Or the hotness of young Adrian Pasdar? Nobody, that's who.

The only chance this has for redemption is this: they use the image-capture process soon to be seen in Beowulf to get Jake Gyllenhaal play every single part. The thought of Jake licking the blood off of his own twin's lip is worth ten bucks, easy. Yeah, I'm cheap. But it's the right thing to do!
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