Big Brother Live Blogging

Hola. I'll be posting live throughout tonight's episode of Big Brother for no real reason except I'm home alone - boyfriend's outta town for work - and I desperately need to bitch at somebody about the show.

For the record I'm an avid Television Without Pity BB8 live-feed board reader so I already know what's going to happen on tonight's episode - The One Where We Find Out Who Wins The Veto While Dick and Danielle Are On The Block Having Been Nominated By Jessica, The LNC/Turd-Herd Princess - but I always find entertainment/horror- ladled-upon-horror watching the way CBS goes out of their way to edit Dick into looking like a human being instead of a repellent shit-stain and make Jen seem like a bitchy airhead when she's actually sweet and the sanest of the entire bunch. Ah, gotta love the magic editors can make happen on reality shows!

Anyway, stay tuned to this space! At 9pm I'll start posting. Hit refresh to see new comments as they're added.

8:59pm - Okay, so my internet access? Just totally shut down. This is what I get for thinking I can live-blog something! It's up for the moment, I think I'm stealing somebody's wi-fi, but thanks the gods for Tivo. There's gonna be a delay between what I see and what y'all are seeing, but what can I do? A little Danielle Gremlin crawled into my computer! Cursed even before I begin!

9:02 - God that look on Dick's face. I wish we lived in a future where you could spit through your TV screen and it would hit the object of one's ire.

9:03 And Dustin's a smug asshole, for the record. And Jessica should be voicing a pink troll in a Saturday morning cartoon.

9:03 What a surprise! Dani's first words of the episode? "I hate."

9:03 Her second words? "ARGH. It's hard it's so hard." She produces more whine than the entire nation of France. Get it? Whine/wine? Sigh, I'm not drunk enough.

9:04 I think Jess just wants to be the only blonde left and that's why she's gunning for Danielle. Yes I think she's that vapid. But I certainly ain't buying this "Dani's a good player" nonsense she's spouting.

9:04 Eric is so completely unbearable. I want to tear those nipple rings right out.

9:05 Dick says "I think every single move I've made in this place has been a mistake." As opposed to every single move he's made since the day he was born. Hell, I lay the blame on whatever douche-bag relative of his came to America first.

9:05 Oh yeah, Dani's one problem in the world is that she "believes" too many people. Not that the only sounds that come out of her mouth cause aircraft to fall from the skies.

9:05 Oh christ it's the Guitar Plucking Of A Father Trying To Do Right music, I might never stop barfing blood.

9:05 Dick needs to keep Jen's name out of his mouth or I might hurt him. Tell us again how you want to rape her ass until she bleeds, O wise man?

9:06 Are you effing kidding me? We're getting a whole scene of what a wonderful father Dick is? Take your vitamins, sweetheart? CBS, you've got to be kidding me!

9:07 My computer went down again! Argh! Even it can't stand Dick's bullshit.

9:07 Fuck you, Jessica. Why is everybody so mean to Jen? Of course CBS never shows her being nice, they just show these catty bitches being mean to her and Jen making silly comments about her clothes so she seems like a twit.

Yah, you'd know annoying wouldn't you, Jessica?

God they're going to make Dick look like he's Father of the fucking Year, aren't they?

Wow they're showing the pot banging incident. Think they'll show him calling Dustin a fucking queen and asking Amber if she burned her daughter with her crack-pipe?

9:08 God Dani is such a bitch. Laughing at her father's antics while she constantly squeals that it has nothing to do with her.

9:15 Okay, we get it, Big Brother blood. How many times do they need to zoom in ominously on it?

9:17 I really want a Jen/Zach final two. Zach won me over with his bunny suit dance last week.

9:18 There are so many nasty jokes running through my head right now with regards to Dani gagging and saying that steak juice was the worst thing she's ever had, but I shall refrain! I am better than that!

9:19 Oh! Unnecessary! Edit out the vomiting please!

9:21 I wish Dick would lay off the "God had more important things to do" schtick because I really hate agreeing with that asshole.

9:25 You know the producers had Dick's last ball magnetized. Save your daughter, you great great man you!

9:30 You'd better believe that I'd be making Dick so freaking uncomfortable if he insisted on calling me princess and asking me to blow him kisses; I would fucking sexually harrass that asshole back to the stone age.

9:32 I am so sick of Dani playing this "I'm not responsible for him" card, it's such bullshit. She laughs at what he says, she benefits from his moves, she is pathetic.

9:34 WORD JAMEKA WORD WORD WORD!!!

9:35 I wish Jen would speak up and say no one has ever said anything about the horrible things he said to me and how he attacked me, but I guess it's smarter for her to stay quiet.

But fuck you, Eric, for calling out Dick's attacks now that it's on you and your friends and nobody stood up and said anything when he was threatening Jen and Kail with rape.

No one understands! It's so unfair! WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Shut up, Danielle, god!

9:38 UGHHHHH The Plucking of Loving Father-Daughter Chats again!!! Make it end!!!

9:44 As much as I loathe Dick and cant stand the thought of him being around another week, putting Dustin up next to him is phenomenally stupid and it'd almost be worth Dick hanging around another week to see Dustin's really really dumb act of hubris backfire.

Why is Eric not realizing that his vote will go to protect Dick? Gah he's a moron.

And why does he not realize America hates him?

9:46 Jen is so stupidly awesome I can't take it.

9:48 This Jessica's Soliloquy On The Secret Deals Of Men scene in the bathroom is HYSTERICAL. It's like something straight out of a telenovela. "Medic my ass!!!" indeed.

9:53 Oh, all it would take to make you "a complete, total jackass" is you not using the veto, Dick? Is that really all? Are you sure you're not there yet? Huh? Are ya? You're really discrediting yourself here, big fella.

9:56 Oh YAWN. Eric is not working for me. Eric is working for the sheep that only watch the show on the air and fall prey to your editing whims, CBS, and think Dick is a funny card. Eric is working for the producers that coach him what to say in the diary room. Eric is working for a new gold-plated set of nipple rings. Gah.

Well in the real world it's 10:33 so I came in a bit late with my "live" blogging. Well that's how we do it here! Booyah!
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