Since I'm not quite up to par today, I'm just steal... ahem, posting this in its full. It amused me.
The Top 10 Most Plausible Crash Conspiracy Theories
Last week's Oscar ceremony provided exactly one surprise, and it came at the very end. Only now, however, can it be revealed: the stunning upset of Crash over Brokeback Mountain was part of a massive conspiracy. Or hoax. Or computer malfunction. Or accountant prank gone wrong. There has to be some explanation! Herewith, we present the top ten theories, one or much of which is certain to be true...ish.
10. Price Waterhouse accountants swapped the card in an effort to sweep their company's lucrative Oscar pool; ironically, their bid was foiled by picking Tim Burton's Corpse Bride as Best Animated Feature.
9. Mira Sorvino was hiding in the wings, waiting to dump pig's blood on Paul Haggis, before being apprehended by security.
8. Osama!
7. The Academy sent out a secret mailing to select voters, declaring it their "duty to honor the one film that battles prejudice, racism and social injustice, and in so doing keep the Oscar away from the dirty, dirty fags."
6. By uttering the word "Crash," Jack Nicholson was issuing a secret signal to his operatives to poison Slobodan Milosevic.
5. In the ensuing ruckus following Nicholson's announcement, no one heard him say "Psych!"
4. Kurds!
3. Hundreds of thousands of Academy voters were mistakenly mailed screeners of Brokeback To The Future -- which subsequently placed just ahead of Munich in the final vote.
2. Jews!
1. The Nicholsonbot 8000, which has replaced the actor in public since his untimely passing in 1993 following an accident during the filming of Wolf, suffered a bizarre and unlikely massive system shutdown at the exact moment it was meant to announce Brokeback Mountain as the Oscar winner, declaring, instead, "crash."
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