Rumors are circulating that Kirsten Dunst has been impregnated by my gay boyfriend.
This, obviously, is not true. OBVIOUSLY.
Kirsten Dunst can't get pregnant, for one, because she emits radiation from her swollen radioactive vagina that causes immediate and lasting erectile dysfunction and, at the same time, brutally murders all the innocent sperm within a thirty mile radius.
And second, there's obviously no truth to this because Jake is saving himself for me.
So, to you rumormongers, I say be gone! Off with ye! No one believes your desperate tabloid baiting tales!
This, obviously, is not true. OBVIOUSLY.
Kirsten Dunst can't get pregnant, for one, because she emits radiation from her swollen radioactive vagina that causes immediate and lasting erectile dysfunction and, at the same time, brutally murders all the innocent sperm within a thirty mile radius.
And second, there's obviously no truth to this because Jake is saving himself for me.
So, to you rumormongers, I say be gone! Off with ye! No one believes your desperate tabloid baiting tales!
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