Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Bachelorette (2012)

Gena: I personally believe that blowjobs are an extremely delicate thing. You know? Like if you're ranking him on a scale of 1-10. Like 1 being blowing it kisses and 10 being I'm like, choking on semen. Vomit just everywhere. I think you gotta start off with 4's and with 5's. Just enough so that you know and I know exactly what I'm doing but with zero enthusiasm. I'm giving you nothing. Because then you'll just be like, alright fine I'll just fuck her. Cause if I start off with a 10 I got nowhere to go. Why are you gonna spend any time fucking me? You just came all over my face. So you start off small, right? Build. I'll give you a 6 after a fight when we're making up. An 8 when you spent a shitload of money on me or get me something that's a sweet gift or something. I'll do a full 8. Then I circle it back. Back to the 3's, the 4's, and 5's because that shit every time without fail makes the guy's dick alarm go off. You know what I mean when I say dick alarm.
Barely Attractive Guy: Yeah.
Gena: Right? You're gonna be like, hey baby what's wrong with you? You're acting funny. Why so sad? When really what you're telling me is, goddamn it just suck my dick harder!

A very happy 39 to writer-director Leslye Headland today! I'd just like to remind all you Russian-Doll-come-latelies that I was over here deep throating her talent in 2012. Christ I love this foul-mouthed mean-spirited piece of work movie -- it lifts and feeds my foul-mouthed mean-spirited soul.

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